


Shadows Make Me Reckless

by sparkyneedsadoctor



Category: Nancy Drew (TV 2019)
Genre: Dad!Ryan, I plant seeds for Ace/Nancy, Set before 2x06, for now at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29725221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkyneedsadoctor/pseuds/sparkyneedsadoctor
Summary: After separating Odette from the Aglaeca, Nancy decides she wants to do something similar for Lucy Sable. She enlists Ryan's help because he's the only other person that will understand what this means to her. The Drew Crew gets dragged along for the ride.
Relationships: Ace/Nancy Drew, Carson Drew & Nancy Drew, Nancy Drew & Lucy Sable, Nancy Drew & Ryan Hudson, Ryan Hudson/Lucy Sable
Comments: 12
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is, but it wouldn't leave me alone. This is why I don't own Nancy Drew. You know, other than the fact that I wasn't born when the books first came out.

She shouldn’t be thinking about this.

They just finished dealing with the Aglaeca and almost dying. Hell, George _did_ die, and was dealing with the aftereffects. Nancy should not be thinking about more potentially dangerous situations to be in, but she can’t help it. It’s like her very being was drawn to trouble, no matter how big or small. Part of it was probably the fact that she had Hudson blood running through her veins, but she was raised by Carson and Kate Drew. That had an effect on her too. And if they knew what she was thinking about…

Nancy lets out an annoyed huff and stares at the ceiling. It’s five o’clock in the morning, she should be sleeping. Instead, her mind has decided that she needs to meddle with spirits some more, in this case Lucy Sable.

She hasn’t seen her biological mother since Carson’s trial, and she’s surprised by how much she misses the ghost. It’s occurred to her that Lucy might have moved on, but something tells her that isn’t the case. Surely her mother would give her some sort of sign if she were leaving for good.

Right?

Who knew how the thought processes of ghosts worked, anyway? Did ghosts even have thought processes?

With a resigned sigh, Nancy throws the covers off. Clearly, she won’t be sleeping tonight. She throws a sweatshirt on over her pajamas and grabs her boots, quietly heading outside. Why she feels like a stroll in the middle of the night is a good idea she doesn’t know, but maybe it would help. If anything, maybe it would make her cold enough to want to go back home and get under her nice warm blankets so she can sleep.

Horseshoe Bay was almost like a different town at night. Foggy and damp, it was easy to believe the town was perpetually haunted. Even when she didn’t used to believe in ghosts, the nighttime vibe of her hometown was fascinating to her. Carson used to say shadows made her reckless when he’d catch her trying to sneak out to find a mystery.

Maybe he was onto something.

Nancy debates going out to the bluffs but decides against it. It was too soon to go back to the place where her mother died and she herself almost died. She ends up walking to the center of town with all the shops. It reminds her of the night the town searched for Rose Turnbull, flashlights piercing the dark as they called out desperately for the lost girl. The town felt crowded then. Now, it’s eerie and silent, creepy and deserted.

Like a ghost town.

Nancy snorts to herself and keeps walking. She glances in the windows as she passes them, not really taking in what she sees until she gets to a shop window with a pink dress in the display. She stops and stares, feeling a chill that has nothing to do with freezing air around her. She shuffles towards it until her reflection is lined up with the mannequin, a sense of déjà vu coming over her. Last time this happened, Lucy had shown up…

Nancy whirls around, half expecting to see her mother’s spirit standing behind her, but there’s no one there. She sighs with disappointment and, after one last look at the dress, she keeps walking.

She’s wandering around aimlessly at this point, but she can’t bring herself to care. Not that long ago, a pink dress in a window would have made her scoff at the town legend. Now that she knows better, she can barely look at one without feeling a rush of emotions. Nancy is so lost in her thoughts, she doesn’t notice the hair rising on the back of her neck or the feeling of goosebumps on her arms. What does get her attention is the light in The Claw’s lighthouse down the street suddenly going out.

Nancy freezes, muscles suddenly tense with anticipation. Had it shorted out? Was someone breaking in? Was it something supernatural?

Before she can make a decision whether or not to check it out, the light comes on again. She barely has the chance to breathe a sigh of relief when she notices the light isn’t moving. It’s pointing away from the water, towards the other end of town. Nancy frowns, jogging towards The Claw. She has no plan, no weapon. As she reaches the parking lot she can see inside more clearly. There’s a figure inside that isn’t moving. Just standing there, like…

Like a ghost.

And the light, she realizes, is pointed in the direction of Sylvan Woods.

Nancy suddenly has an idea who could be messing with her.

“Alright!” she calls out. “You got my attention, mom!”

For a moment, nothing happens. Then the figure flickers and reappears in front of Nancy, who jumps back even though she was expecting it. Lucy Sable stands there, dripping water onto the pavement. Her hair is plastered to her face, her eyes dark and empty.

“I know I’m out late—or early,” Nancy begins, “but you’re technically younger than me now so if this is you playing the mom card—”

She trails off as she takes in the former Sea Queen’s appearance. “Hang on…” she says softly. “You still look…why didn’t you change?”

Lucy tilts her head, unable to answer. Nancy is tempted to reach out and touch her; she even raises her arm, but it falls to her side limply as she remembers it would only go right through her. Lucy’s hand flickers, and Nancy wonders if her mother wants to do the same thing.

“Mom, why don’t you look like you used to? I thought burying your bones in a place you loved might help you in some way…”

Lucy turns slowly towards the woods then back to Nancy, who is waiting with bated breath. Then, Lucy does something that shocks the hell out of her. Sluggishly, as if the small action takes a great deal of energy, Lucy reaches out and places her hand on Nancy’s chest, right over her heart.

Nancy almost stops breathing, eyes widening with amazement. Not only was Lucy being somewhat affectionate, _but_ _she could actually feel it_. Nancy can feel the place where Lucy touched her tingling with energy. It doesn’t hurt; she feels warmth spreading through her body and it’s comfortable, like being wrapped up in softest blanket imaginable. Nancy closes her eyes, basking in the feeling, and when she opens them again, Lucy is gone and the light is swiveling back and forth like it’s supposed to.

“No…” she breathes, looking around wildly. “No, mom, come back! I’m not—I’m not ready to let you go yet!” Later it will occur to her how selfish that sounds, especially when all she wants is for Lucy to be at peace, but for now she tries not to cry even as tears blur her vision, and she finally accepts that, for now, Lucy is gone. Shoulders slumping, Nancy hangs her head and makes her way back home, thinking about what her mother did.

By the time she makes it back the sun has risen. She gets ready for the day on autopilot, lost in her head. She doesn’t know what to make of the encounter with her mother, what she was even doing in the first place. She’s too focused on the fact that Lucy’s spirit hasn’t changed since the revelation behind her cause of death and the making of a new grave in Sylvan Woods. It bothers her, much more than it might bother someone else. Nancy wants to do something about it, the need buzzing in her the more she thinks about it. Her brain has been itching to do something for several days now, and here was the perfect opportunity. 

Her first instinct is to tell her friends, but she isn’t so sure if that’s a good idea. They don’t have the same attachment to Lucy that she does, new as it may be. And it feels wrong to drag them into this, especially after the pact they made. But doing it behind their backs seems wrong too…she doesn’t want to hurt them like that. Her and George had a better relationship than in high school, Bess was someone she was starting to feel more comfortable turning to, and Ace…her friendship with Ace means everything to her. It grew rocky after her sacrifice attempt, but they mended things. He was her rock, and she doesn’t want to lose that.

Nancy knew her friends might take it better if they knew she wasn’t doing this new undertaking alone. And she needs to do this with someone who Lucy meant a lot to, and who means a lot to Lucy.

Someone like Ryan Hudson.

It’s settled. She’ll go to Ryan before her friends. Even if they want nothing to do with another mystery, Nancy knows Ryan will do anything for Lucy. He’ll help her. It occurs to her that this will be the first time she’s gone to him with something personal that isn’t life threatening. It’s nice, she realizes, being able to trust him more and more.

Nancy sends him a text asking him to meet her in Sylvan Woods. It’s the only private place they can go with zero worries about being followed. Lucy’s ice cream shop would become conspicuous if they used it too much and too often. She briefly wonders if it bothers Lucy’s spirit, using her new burial site as a meeting spot. She decides that if her mother hasn’t made any fuss about it yet, then she probably wouldn’t.

It takes about twenty minutes to get there, and Ryan is already there when she pulls up. She has no idea if he was busy when she asked him to come, he’d replied immediately saying that he was on his way, and Nancy wonders if he dropped everything to come see her.

“Hi,” Nancy says when she gets out of her car and makes her way over to him. “I hope I didn’t pull you away from anything major.”

“Nothing that needs immediate attention.” Ryan responds, leaning against his car and shoving his hands in his pockets. “What’s up?”

“I have a bit of an odd request.”

Ryan snorts dryly. “When don’t you?”

Nancy resists the urge to stick her tongue out at him. How he brought out her more childish instincts, she didn’t know. Maybe it was a Hudson superpower. Or a dad one. Or both. She puts her hands in her jacket pockets so that he doesn’t see her anxiously clenching and unclenching her fists.

“Very funny. It has to do with Lucy.” She says the last part quietly, though she knows they’re the only two people around. Ryan turns serious, straightening his posture.

“You remember what I told you about Odette Lamar? About how we freed her from the Aglaeca?”

He nods.

Nancy takes a deep breath, painfully aware of how ridiculous her next words might sound. “Well, I kind of want to do the same thing with Lu—with mom. When we buried her here, I thought it would help her. But something happened this morning…I saw her, and—and she hasn’t changed at all. I…I just want to see if I can do something, _anything_ , to make her spirit less restless.”

Ryan blinks and does a double take, clearly wanting to hear more about what happened, but Nancy isn’t sure she wants to get into that just yet. He sighs, rubbing his chin thoughtfully when she doesn’t elaborate. Nancy feels a little better when she sees that he at least isn’t laughing at her.

“I…wow, okay. So you want to, what, exactly? I’m not going to pretend to be a paranormal expert here, but she’s been carrying around a lot of anger at this town, at _me_ , and with good reason. I don’t think you can just make that go away.” Ryan tells her softly. His voice is gentle, fatherly.

Nancy shrugs helplessly. “I know it sounds impossible, but don’t we owe it to her to try? I’m not saying we tell her to forgive and forget, I just want her to remember that being Lucy Sable wasn’t all bad.”

Ryan smiles sadly. “You’ve thought about this before, haven’t you?”

“A few days, mostly this morning.” Nancy confirms. “We read Odette’s love letters to get the Aglaeca to remember, you think something similar might work with mom?”

She watches Ryan think, allowing her mind to wander into what-ifs for a moment. Was this how he’d look if she came to him for help with her math homework as a kid, all furrowed eyebrows and slightly resigned expression, as if he knew he was in for it in some shape or form? Would he get mad and huff frustratedly, or would he sit down and help her through it?

“Okay,” he announces suddenly, startling Nancy out of her thoughts. “I can think of times when Lucy and I were together where we were happy, but I can’t guarantee they won’t just remind her of what she lost.” Ryan swallows, suddenly feeling choked up. “We could end up pissing her off even more. Are you sure you want to risk that?”

Nancy hesitates, feeling like a little kid about to break the rules. Which was strange, because breaking the rules didn’t normally bother her. Maybe the Aglaeca affected her more than she thought. Her father was right, was it worth it? Does she want to risk pushing her mother—a mostly harmless but still vengeful spirit—too far? Even before she knew the truth, Nancy never thought Lucy would actually hurt her—at least not fatally. Could that change?

She grits her teeth, feeling that familiar surge of stubborn determination she always got when things were about to get tough. At the end of the day, she was just a girl who wanted to help her mother. She never got to help Kate. Nancy will help Lucy, in whatever way she can.

“I have to do this. Will you help?”

Ryan takes in her determined expression and crossed arms. He can see bits of Lucy in her, and he knows that Nancy will find a way to do this with or without him. At least with her he can attempt to keep her from doing some irreversible damage.

“Alright,” he agrees. “On one condition.”

Nancy tilts her head, listening.

“If I decide something is too risky, we don’t do it. You’re not the only one who cares about Luce, and I’m your father. You’ve already released God knows what into the town. I have to make sure we don’t add to it.”

She’s a little surprised at how forceful he sounds; how fatherly he sounds. Yeah, maybe she was a little reckless, but she never thought _Ryan Hudson_ would be the more responsible one of them in a situation like this. Two dads watching her back had its cons, but it had its pros too.

“Deal.” She says, holding out her hand. Ryan shakes it and they lock eyes. “I’m going to tell my friends what we’re up to. After everything we just went through, I’m not going to ask them to help, but I think they should know.”

Ryan nods. “Let me know when you’re ready to begin.”

Nancy smiles and nods, and they head back to their respective cars, Ryan on his way home and Nancy to The Claw. She isn’t quite sure how this next conversation will go, but one thing is for sure: her morning? Definitely not boring.


	2. Chapter 2

Walking into The Claw feels like watching an oncoming storm approaching while it’s still sunny and nice outside. A normal day at work, and Hurricane Nancy is here, ready to ruin it. It’d be funny if it wasn’t a perfect description of what her decision to solve mysteries felt like sometimes. Especially now. The fight with her friends flashes through her head.

_As opposed to interacting authentically with other people as equals and not using us as tools in your missions and distractions for your pain!_

_Oh, very on brand, Drew. Using our crappy odds as an excuse to not wrap up your loose ends._

_Okay, this is your fault to begin with, Nancy. I mean, look at us! Correct me if I’m wrong…cause…and effect._

It was a heat of the moment argument, and yet it wasn’t. And here she was again, about to prove them right. Knowing she wasn’t planning on making them help her doesn’t make her feel much better. She can’t help but feel like she’s going back on her word. Maybe in a way she is. Lucy Sable was not a new mystery by any means, nor was what Nancy wanted to do, but the method would be new.

Bess is the person to greet her when Nancy walks through the door, smiling brightly. “Morning, Nancy? How are we today?”

Nancy tries to smile back but it feels like she’s grimacing. “Oh, you know. Every day’s a new adventure. You’re in a good mood.”

Bess grins wider, if possible. “We’re alive! Nothing could spoil that!” She dances away from Nancy, humming to herself.

_Wanna bet?_ Nancy thinks darkly, heading to the back towards her locker. She passes George in her office, who catches her expression immediately. She scowls, and Nancy briefly debates skipping work for the day. Unfortunately, with all the research and rituals and sleuthing they’ve done, Nancy feels like she’s only worked fourteen minutes total since Tiffany Hudson’s murder.

“I don’t know what that look is about, Drew, but it better not affect your job.” George’s surly voice rings out. Nancy didn’t even know she left her office until she was right next to her. It was a miracle she didn’t jump.

“Later,” Nancy mutters, trying not to let her internal battle show on her face. “Got something to tell you guys, but it can wait until after the lunch rush.”

“What rush?” George scoffs, but nods and stalks off.

Nancy sighs with relief. Nick appears from around the corner, frowning to himself. When he sees Nancy he gives her a brief nod and a stiff smile. She hopes that his brusqueness is work related and has nothing to do with her. It doesn’t help the roiling pit of nerves she already feels.

Ace is in the kitchen, and she pops in briefly to say hello. He gives her a casual wave and a nod, much more easygoing than Nick’s. She feels calmer already, just being in his presence. As she heads back into the dining room to start work for the day, she wonders idly if George can fire her for having too many meetings about mysteries in their dining room.

As George predicted, there is no rush so much as there is a group of five people and another of three that wanders in. Nancy makes sure to put on her best customer service face until they leave. It serves as a good distraction, as she doesn’t want to think about what will happen after they leave. Business had declined a bit since Tiffany Hudson’s murder, and while Nancy and her friends had figured out who the murderer was, the number of people who came to The Claw now wasn’t the same as before.

That was good for mystery talk, not so much for her paycheck.

Because of the lessened amount of customers, George makes them all do more menial work in the back. Not Nancy’s favorite, but she had to admit, it was needed. And due to that, it wasn’t until late afternoon that she was able to tell her friends about her plan for Lucy.

“So,” George remarks after the last of the two groups shuts the front door, having spent more time talking than actually eating. “You had something you wanted to share with the class?”

“Don’t you want to wait until I’ve cleaned this up before I get into that?” Nancy asks.

George gives her one of her signature unimpressed looks. “You’re stalling.”

Nancy sighs, partly from guilt and partly from annoyance. It was true, which made what she had to say feel like even more of a betrayal of their pact.

Bess happens to pass by at that very moment, humming to herself. She stops when she hears what George says.

“Wait, what’s going on? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened. Well kind of…just wait until everyone’s out here.” Nancy says wearily, running a hand through her hair.

She tells Ace to come to the front when he’s done washing dishes, to which she gets a thumbs up in reply. She wishes for a moment that she had his ability to take everything in its stride, to be casually unconcerned, or at least not let it get to her so easily. Talking to her friends didn’t used to feel this stressful, not since they first met and were still getting used to each other.

Nick is by the lockers when she goes looking for him, staring blankly at the wall with his arms crossed and frowning.

“Hey Nick, team meeting up front when you’re ready.” Nancy tells him. He looks up and mumbles a reply she doesn’t quite catch. Nancy pauses. “Are, uh, are you alright?”

Nick smiles softly, uncrossing his arms. “Sorry,” he says with a slight shake of his head. “Something on my mind that I’m not sure what to make of yet.”

Nancy nods in understanding, leaning against the lockers. “You too, huh?”

Nick tilts his head at her, giving her a once over. “‘Me too’?” he echoes. “Let me guess, team meeting was your idea and not George’s.”

“Bingo.” She grins, slightly sheepishly. “You wanna talk about it?”

Nick shakes his head. “Could be nothing, I don’t have enough information yet. Have to keep my eye on things.”

He doesn’t elaborate, and though she wants to, Nancy doesn’t press him for details. They walk to the dining room together, where Ace, George and Bess are waiting.

“All right, out with it. What’s going on? What was with that cryptic comment this morning?”

Trust George to get straight to the point.

“Before I do, I need you to know that I’m not expecting anything of you. But something happened this morning, and…well, it gave me an idea.”

“Here we go…” George mutters.

“What happened?” Bess asks, throwing a slightly dirty look at George, which The Claw owner pointedly ignores.

Nancy blows out a breath, tossing her hands in the air before sitting down in one of the booths. “I took an early morning stroll around town because I couldn’t sleep, when I noticed the light in the lighthouse go out. Came to check it out and, uh, Lucy was there.”

Three sets of startled expressions is the response she gets. Ace, she notices, looks more confused than surprised, if the scrunch of his eyebrows is anything to go by. She’s struck by the sudden urge to see if she can take him by surprise with anything, and just as quickly as that thought enters her mind, she pushes it out of her head. Now is not the time.

“ _Lucy_?” Bess gasps. “I thought she was gone! What did she want?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” Nancy admits. “I haven’t had a chance to think about why she showed up now. Something weird happened, which I didn’t think was possible. But that’s also not why I called a team meeting. You know how the Aglaeca turned back into Odette after we read out her love letters? I buried Lucy’s bones somewhere I thought she would be more at peace, but I don’t think it worked. She still looks the same.”

George and Nick share a glance while Bess just gapes with confusion. Ace’s expression doesn’t betray his thoughts; he just listens intently, like he knows there’s more. _This_ was the part of the conversation Nancy was worried about.

_Here goes nothing._

“So…what are you trying to say, Nance?” Nick asks. “And what happened that’s so impossible?”

“I’m not ready to talk about what happened yet, it’s still…” Nancy trails off, feeling flustered. “That’s not why I’m here. I’m here because I want to help Lucy.”

Her friends all stare at her with varying degrees of incredulity. Finally, George breaks the stunned silence.

“Alright, I’ll bite. Help her how?”

“Look, I know I have a lot of crazy ideas,” Nancy begins, ignoring George’s dry scoff, “but helping Odette remember her humanity got me thinking: what if I could do the same for Lucy?”

Once again, she’s met with blank stares.

“Do…what, exactly?” Bess asks. Nancy tries not to let her growing impatience show.

“Get Lucy—my mom—to remember being human.”

Bess glances at George, Nick, and Ace, then back at Nancy. It’s clear they’re all still confused.

“Nancy, Lucy and Odette aren’t really the same. Yeah, they both have grudges against this town—and with good reason—but occasional weird hauntings aren’t on the same level as murdering people who break a deal with you.” Nick says gently.

It’s meant to be placating, she knows that, but she can’t help but take it a little personally. He’s trying not to aggravate her, considering what their lives are like, but his stance still annoys her. She looks at George, who sighs.

“Look,” the eldest Fan says with an unexpected show of wariness. “I get what you’re saying, at least a little, but Nick’s right. Odette went full on evil because of what happened to her. Lucy…she just shows up occasionally and acts odd.”

Of course she would side with her boyfriend. Nancy feels the sting of disappointment and has to remind herself this is just a debrief situation. She isn’t here to convince them to come along. Still, it hurts to hear, and she turns towards Ace and Bess, keeping her expression as impassive as possible.

It must not be working, because Bess looks slightly uncomfortable. “Well…I mean…I don’t think Lucy ever forgot being human. She knew who you were your whole life, and she’s kind of looked after you, in her own way.”

“But after I revealed the truth, and buried her bones, she didn’t change! Her eyes are still these black, empty pools of darkness, and—and she still has that drowned appearance…” Nancy trails off helplessly, aware that she sounds slightly hysterical. She brings her hands down, not remembering waving them wildly about in the first place. “She didn’t revert to how she looked before her death, like Odette did. I just…”

Her throat suddenly feels tight, and she swallows against it, trying not to break down. Why was she so emotional lately? Nancy sniffs and turns away with a scowl. “Can you blame me for wanting this?” She asks quietly. Brokenly.

Her friends stay silent, looking anywhere but at her. It’s almost as awkward as their fight from the other day.

“When I was hanging onto that cliff, praying that I wouldn’t fall, I called out for my mom. In that moment I just wanted her, the embrace of someone who died to protect me. And then, a few nights later she shows up, and—and _touches_ me, and I could _feel it_ _,_ like actually feel it…”

Nancy takes a shaky breath as she starts thinking out loud. Her voice is wobbly but she doesn’t feel subconscious about it like she might have before. Her mind is racing with this new discovery. She doesn't even see her friends' reactions to the tidbit about Lucy that she claimed she didn't want to talk about.

“Maybe that’s why she showed up.” Nancy says breathlessly. “She heard me.”

She looks up at her friends, who now look concerned. Nancy almost laughs as she realizes how this must sound. It sounds ridiculous even for believers in the supernatural. Struck by a sudden exhaustion, she exhales deeply.

“I’m not going to ask you guys to help me. I’ve done enough to you, and I haven’t forgotten our pact. I just thought you should know, just in case…you know.”

_Something bad happens_ goes unsaid, but they all hear it. For a moment no one speaks. The air around them suddenly feels heavy. Then Bess rises from her seat and makes her way over to Nancy. The redheaded girl blinks in confusion.

“Nancy, we may have gotten dragged into solving mysteries when Tiffany Hudson was murdered, but we made the choice to keep doing it after her murder was solved.” Bess says softly, placing her hand on Nancy’s shoulder.

George rolls her eyes but there’s a small, wry smile on her face. “What kind of friends would we be if we let you do something stupid by yourself? Pact was never going to last anyway.”

Nancy raises her eyebrows, a smile of her own forming. She considers mentioning the fact that Ryan would be helping her, but doesn’t. They would find out anyway, and she doesn’t want to ruin this moment. Nick voices his support, and Nancy quickly schools her expression into one of casual indifference, turning to the last member of their crew, one whose opinion meant a lot to her.

“Ace?” she says softly, almost shyly. “You haven’t said anything yet.”

Ace tilts his head to one side, studying her, and Nancy tries not fidget or tap her foot impatiently. His gaze seems to penetrate her very soul, but not in an uncomfortable way. She doesn’t quite understand why Ace’s opinion matters most to her, but that’s a mystery for another day. For now, she’s content with the knowledge that he’s a comfortable, grounding presence that she can rely on.

Finally, after the silence had gone on too long, Ace speaks.

“I’ll always be there for you, Nance.”

Nancy wasn’t aware of how tense she was until she felt her shoulders sag in relief. Knowing that Ace was in her corner, that George and Bess were willing continue the crazy hijinks, that Nick was willing to support her…she never felt more like they were a family. She allows her smile to grow, all anxiety about the conversation gone.

“Well then,” Nancy says with conviction, “let’s see if we can get my mom to remember the best parts of being Lucy Sable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not resist a nod to Kennedy McMann's tweet about how Nancy hasn't spent much time actually working at The Claw. I hope it made you laugh as much as I did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for a Carson and Nancy moment?

Nancy is tired when she gets home from work, but she pushes it aside as she changes into something more comfortable. George had decided to close earlier than normal, which she could get away with due to the limited business. No one really came in at night anyway. There was no point staying open until ten.

She’s struck by a sudden urge to see Carson, so she calls him to see if he’s at the loft. He answers on the third ring.

“ _Hello_?”

“Hey,” Nancy says. Things are still a little tense between them, but it’s good to hear his voice, especially now that she doesn’t have to worry about it possibly being the last time she does. “You busy?”

“ _I can take a break. Is everything okay?”_

“I owe you a couple of explanations. I can pick up some dinner since I doubt you’ve eaten much today.”

There’s a sardonic chuckle from the other end of the phone. Nancy can practically see Carson’s guilty but affectionate expression.

“ _Sounds good to me. Can’t wait to see you._ ”

“Yeah, you too.” She murmurs, then hangs up.

She’s not quite at the forgiveness stage yet, but she’s getting there. She’s not sure she’s ready to be in the same house as him yet, but she can’t deny that she misses him. She knows he misses her too, knows that he’s hurting just as much as she is. The dinner they shared the other night before the showdown with the Aglaeca; as much as it helped with the coping, it also left a few gaps in her feelings. She may not fully understand why he’s done the things he’s done, but she never will if she rejects his olive branches and never extends her own.

Nancy is still nervous about coming clean, especially about the supernatural bits with Lucy and Odette. She’s tried to shield Carson from the less natural aspects of her investigations, and for the most part she has, but he _has_ seen some of it. She doesn’t want to overwhelm or worry him, which she ended up doing anyway.

At least he would have Ryan to commiserate with now.

She grabs her keys and heads for their favorite take-out place, suddenly ravenous after a long day at work with no lunch. Thankfully there isn’t much of a line, and she’s in and out of the drive thru fairly quickly, on her way to the loft above Carson’s law offices.

He opens the door not long after she knocks, greeting her with a warm but fatigued smile.

“Long day?” Nancy asks understandingly.

Carson shrugs, stepping back to let her in. “Something like that. What’d you get?”

“Chinese. That okay? I went to our favorite place.”

“Works for me.”

They head into the living room. Nancy notices there isn’t any sign that her dad was working: no papers strewn about, no case files, nothing. She had assumed he was busy, but to someone who didn’t know the man’s work ethic, it appeared as if he’d merely been lounging about. Of course, it was possible that he’d gotten some high profile client that meant he’d had to clear away anything confidential before Nancy had arrived. Still, usually there was _some_ sign of what the lawyer had been up to.

Nancy mentally files this away for later. It could be nothing, but something doesn’t feel right. And she doesn’t feel like mentioning it in case it turns into an argument. The last thing their fractured relationship needs right now is another crack trying to splinter them apart.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Carson asks between a mouthful of food. “Does it have to do with why you ran out in the middle of dinner the other night?”

Nancy hums with sardonic amusement. “A bit, but I have to tell you about what lead up to it. And…I need you to promise not to freak out—at least not until I’m done.”

Carson pauses in the act of bringing his chopsticks to his mouth, watching her with apprehension and slight resignation. “Okay…not a great start there, but I promise.”

So she tells him everything she told Ryan, telling him how the path to solving Lucy’s death led to the Aglaeca, how, when she realized the price of dealing with the sea spirit, she tried to stop, how Owen’s death was connected, how she and her friends were marked for reneging on their deal, how they saw terrifying visions of their deaths, and how they only had a few days to find a way to stop her, which they thankfully did.

Carson, true to his word, did not interrupt her, though he did visibly fight not to say anything when she got to the part about having a few days to live. His knuckles were white from clenching his fists so tightly.

“So…I…wow.” He breathes. “So the whole reason you even came by was because…because you—you were…”

He puts his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair agitatedly. Nancy reaches out and gently places her hand on his knee, trying to calm him down. She thinks she hears him inhale erratically in an effort not to completely break down.

“Yeah…” she says quietly. “As cliché as it sounds, I realized that life’s too short to keep fighting. I’m still not completely okay with you lying to me my whole life, but I _am_ ready to acknowledge that you had good reason.”

Carson nods dazedly, rubbing his eyes. “You’ve really got to stop having these lightbulb moments in the most extreme situations.” He says weakly.

Nancy bites her lip guiltily, offering him a half smile. “If it’s any consolation, I wouldn’t have known how to reach Odette if it weren’t for you.”

“That just makes me shudder even more at how close I came to losing you.”

“I’m sorry…” she mumbles, looking away.

Carson sighs, then tentatively holds out his arms. “May I hug you?”

Nancy doesn’t give him an answer with words, she just stands up and throws herself into his arms. His familiar scent invades her nostrils, taking her back to when she was a child and he would hold her close to him to comfort her when she was upset. His arms feel just as safe and warm as they did then, and she realizes then that she had missed this very much. This time she was the one trying to comfort him, but she tries to let him know through the hug how much she loves him.

Because she does, no matter how mad at him she is. She thinks, now, that she’s beginning to understand what he meant when he said the love was real no matter the circumstance.

“I love you, dad.” Nancy whispers. Her arms tighten around his torso.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He whispers back. His hand drifts upwards into her hair, cradling her head, and then coming down to caress her cheek. “Can I ask you something you might not want to hear?”

“Go ahead,” she says, because whatever he has to say can’t hurt worse than the fact that he lied to her for her entire life.

“Are you going to tell Ryan all of this? I’m not going to push you into doing something you don’t want to do, but I know he’s worried about you.”

Nancy chuckles, pushing some of her hair out of her eyes. “I kind of told him first.” At Carson’s surprised look she continues. “Yeah, another one of my “extreme realizations” was that I want to explore a father/daughter relationship with him.”

Carson nods, smiling softly. “I’m proud of you, you know. I know none of this has been easy for you.”

Nancy shrugs, trying to appear offhand about it. “Yeah, well, when have I ever chosen the easy route for anything?” She hesitates, unsure if she should tell him about her other new development with Ryan, specifically what’s she’s been calling him in private. She doesn’t want to hurt Carson. “I, uh…I call him Dad. When we’re alone.”

Whatever Carson had been expecting her to say, it wasn’t that. His jaw drops, but he quickly composes himself and closes it. Nancy waits with bated breath for him to say something as he continues to gawk at her.

“I—wow. So, you, uh….” He gestures vaguely, slowly lowering himself onto the couch, Nancy watching him closely for any sign that he’s about to completely flip out.

None comes.

“Dad? Are you okay?” She asks cautiously. She tries to ignore the gnawing feeling in her gut saying that this was a bad idea and that she should have kept her mouth shut.

“I’m okay, Nancy.” Carson says, giving her a genuine smile to show he means it. “I just never expected this so soon. Or at all, really.”

Nancy breathes out, feeling the tension leaving her body. “So it doesn’t bother you?”

“Of course not. It’s not my place to define your relationship with Ryan and what you call each other. That’s between you and him.”

Appeased, she sits down next to him, letting him wrap an arm around her. They sit in silence for a while, content with each other’s company. It comes to Nancy’s attention that she hasn’t been this relaxed with Carson for a few weeks. It feels like months have passed since she confronted him about what happened on the bluffs all those years ago. She feels like she’s aged a lifetime, and yet everything that has happened still feels like it happened in a rapid-fire succession, which it did.

Nancy sighs, leaning into her father’s shoulder and closing her eyes. She thinks about telling Carson about her team-up with Ryan to help Lucy, but she’s too tired. She’ll tell him later. Preferably after she finds something that she can work with, because telling him is no good if there’s nothing to show for it.

“I should probably go now.” She says when she checks the time. Part of her doesn’t want to leave, but she chalks it up to being tired and Carson’s body heat doing no favors for her sleepiness.

“Alright,” Carson accepts, and he gives her one last hug. “I’m glad you stopped by.”

“So am I.” Nancy smiles drowsily before shaking herself awake and heading out to her car to drive home.

The cold helps with waking her up, but she’s still thankful the drive home is a short one. Maybe after work tomorrow she’ll see Ryan, tell him what happened with Lucy and they could figure something out from there. She has a shorter shift tomorrow, so it all works out.

She changes into her pajamas and brushes her teeth almost unconsciously, still lost in thought planning out how she’s going to tackle this new mystery. There’s no really good place to start, other than telling Ryan that Lucy was somehow able to physically touch her. How had she done that? Has she been able to do that the entire time, and if so, why wait this long? If not, how did her mother gain the ability.

It hits Nancy as she pulls back her covers that Lucy had touched Ryan at the gala, burning the man with his own wedding ring. She frowns to herself, wishing she could remember if Lucy had touched Ryan or the ring. She knew it was possible for spirits to move or touch small objects, but did it take more power to touch people? It wasn’t like she’d woken up to unexplainable scratches, it was almost as if Lucy had just wanted to feel her.

Nancy takes a moment to scribble her thoughts into a notebook before turning in for the night. Her mind is going too fast to keep track of everything, and if she pours her energy into thinking about it, she’ll have another sleepless night on her hands. Which would not be good for anyone, because Nancy running on little to no sleep is even more stubbornly bull-headed than a well-rested, clearheaded Nancy.

Satisfied, she crawls into bed and closes her eyes, drifting off almost immediately. It’s the first time in weeks that she sleeps through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you thought, if you so desire!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all ain't ready for the end of this chapter...  
> Also, trigger warning for a brief mention of slut shaming and suicide. No graphic detail, just a passing mention, but I'm being careful just in case.

It isn’t until the weekend that she gets the chance to see Ryan, She’d walked into work the next day after visiting Carson to George grumpily informing her that Bess was on vacation for the next week or so, which meant all hands on deck at The Claw. So for the next few days, she works long shifts and is so wiped out by the end of them that she has no energy to even think about the Lucy situation.

Bess had sent her an apologetic text saying that she was getting some much needed away time, but that she was still willing to help Nancy if the redhead wanted to run theories by her or something.

Nancy appreciates the sentiment, but privately feels that unless there’s some sort of connection to the Marvins that she uncovers, Bess should enjoy her break unbothered. God knows she deserved it.

The one upside to longer shifts, of course, is seeing more of Ace. When she isn’t busy up front, she volunteers to help him out in the kitchen. If George notices that kitchen duty is suddenly her favorite thing to do when business is slow, she doesn’t bring it up.

Conversations are light and easy, which is a welcome change. Ace will ask her about the most trivial things and somehow make them sound like they’re the most important thing in the world.

Maybe in a way they are. Before the Aglaeca, talking about something like guessing an out of town customer’s favorite store based off the clothes they’re wearing (“I’m not Sherlock Holmes, Ace; I’m an _amateur_ detective, remember?”), or taking bets on who George is likely to snap at on any given day (“I’d say Bess but she isn’t here.”) wouldn’t feel like a big deal.

Now? Nancy looks forward to all those seemingly meaningless conversations because she and Ace are still around to have them.

But now it’s the weekend, the slowest days of all for some weird reason, and she won’t see Ace again until Monday, unless George decides she needs to come in after all. Nancy hopes she doesn’t because she’s been itching to see Ryan to run her theory by him. She texts him saying she has an idea of where to begin, and he responds with an invitation to his place. Nancy hesitates before responding, weighing the pros and cons until her phone chimes again.

_You can park in the garage so it looks like I’m by myself. I made sure there’s room for your car so you don’t have to break in all the time._

Once again, she’s struck by his thoughtfulness. As fun as it was, sneaking into his place before, the idea isn’t as appealing as it was when she thought he might have killed Tiffany. Shaking her head at how much things have changed, she heads out, making sure Ryan sent her his garage code before she does.

* * *

Once she’s made it safely to Ryan’s, taking care to make sure no one followed her, she lets herself in, taking the time to properly look around now that she has that luxury. His home is still as immaculate as ever, indicative of his status as a Hudson, but now there’s something different.

It takes her a moment to realize he has more personal pictures out. There’s couple of him and Lucy, a few of him as a kid, but it’s the one laying on his coffee table without a frame that catches her eye.

It’s her and Ryan, sitting at the table outside The Claw trying to figure out the music clue. Nancy feels her breath catch in her throat. In the photo she’s frowning with concentration, but Ryan is looking at her with a strange expression on his face. Wistfulness? Admiration? She can’t quite tell, but there’s no denying the affection in his eyes, clear as day.

She reaches out and gently traces the photo with her fingers. Who took the picture? How did Ryan get it? Was someone onto them? Was coming here just a big—

“Nancy?”

Nancy jumps, startled, and whirls around. She relaxes when she sees Ryan.

“Sorry,” he says apologetically, gesturing behind him. “I was in the attic and I didn’t hear you come in.”

Nancy shrugs, still in a bit of a daze. Ryan follows her gaze and sees the photo lying there. Putting two and two together, he shuffles back and forth awkwardly.

“Oh, uh, you saw that, huh?” At her nod he continues. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I was just looking to see if I had any frames anywhere that would fit it.”

Nancy blinks. “So…we’re not…someone hasn’t…”

Ryan’s eyes widen as he catches on to her train of thought. “Oh, no, you’re still safe. As far as I know no one has found out that I’m…you know.”

She ignores his awkwardly flailing hand gesturing between the two of them. “Then who—”

“Ace did. Sent me that photo saying he thought I’d like it and to be careful with it. Which is why I’m looking for frames in boxes of all my family’s stuff that they won’t miss. I want to put it somewhere special.”

Ace. Ace had taken the photo. And sent it to Ryan, because somehow he had known the man would treasure it, despite not appearing sentimental. Somehow, Ace knew Nancy and Ryan’s relationship was growing despite the fact that they were being as secretive as possible and didn’t talk about it much.

He really was quite observant.

It takes Nancy a moment to find her voice. “So…” she clears her throat. “Where were you thinking of putting it?”

Ryan looks everywhere but her, suddenly embarrassed. “On—on my nightstand.”

He coughs, wringing his hands together.

“Place of honor?”

“Yeah.”

Nancy feels a small smile forming but quickly forces it back. She has a feeling Ryan might take it as teasing and she doesn’t want to give him a reason to feel any more embarrassed than he already does.

“Do you, uh, want to start talking about Lucy now? Seeing as that’s why I came over?” She says, having mercy on him.

“Yes!” He agrees, way more enthusiastic than he perhaps needed to be. She fights another grin. “I mean, yes, we can go ahead and talk if you’re ready.”

They sit together on his couch, Nancy on one end and Ryan on the other. She has a sneaking suspicion that he’s sitting further away because of their touching but still awkward moment. She can’t help but feel a little bad for the man, it was like he wasn’t used to showing affection for other people. He floundered when it came to showing his feelings, but there was more to it than that. The way his eyes widen whenever they have a moment, the way his body stiffens when she notices personal things about him…

Was he afraid of something?

Nancy wonders, not for the first time, how Ryan grew up under the Hudsons. She resolves to ask him about it later. Right now, Lucy is her priority.

“Alright, so you know something happened, which is why we’re doing this. And it’s not bad, so you don’t have to worry. I just…don’t really know what to make of it.”

“And you think I will? I have less experience with the supernatural than you.”

“Yes, but you have more experience with Lucy.” She reminds him softly.

Ryan sighs, one shoulder going up in a half shrug. “Okay, hit me.”

Nancy plays with the strap of her purse, fingers dancing nervously across the leather. “She touched me.”

Ryan blinks. And then blinks again.

“She…touched you.”

“Yep.”

“And that’s it?”

“Yep.”

“Hm.”

Nancy’s eyebrows knit together. She crosses her arms, resisting the sudden urge to sulk. “What?”

Ryan scoffs, throwing out his arms. “I mean, it’s a little anticlimactic. She’s touched me. Knowing you, I was expecting…more.”

She shoots up, waving her finger wildly at him. “Okay, but did she touch _you_ , or your wedding ring? Because we know it burned you.”

He frowns, thinking back to that night at the Velvet Masque, bringing up a hand to rub his chin.

“She brought my hand up to cup her face when I hesitated,” he says slowly, “and I kissed her. Then you came in and got my attention, and when I looked back at her, she went from how I remembered her to—to her, uh…”

“Creepier version.” Nancy supplies dryly.

Ryan nods. “So not only did we touch; I was able to kiss her.”

“You kissed a ghost and you liked it?” She smirks, half tempted to ask him what it was like.

“Wha—Nancy!”

“Sorry, sorry.” She says hastily. “All she did to me was place her hand on my chest.”

He looks at her with surprise and confusion. “Did it hurt?”

Nancy shakes her head, her hand moving on its own accord over her heart, the same place where her mother’s hand had been. “No, it just felt warm. And I could feel it spreading, like when you drink something first thing in the morning and you can feel it go down your throat and into your stomach.”

Suddenly aware that she’s still standing, Nancy sits down again, closer to Ryan than she was before. He makes no move to put more distance between them. He does, however, lean back, the most casual he’s been around her.

Ryan nods understandingly. “What did you say to her? Obviously it was a response.”

“I asked her why she still looked the same when burying her bones in the woods was supposed to help her find peace.”

“And you were basing that off what happened with that other homicidal spirit…with the letters…”

“Odette…” she says absently, watching her father with a fascinated expression. He’s thinking out loud, trying to piece things together, and she wonders if this is what Carson and her friends see when she starts theorizing in front of them.

“Right…” Ryan mumbles, barely paying attention.

He stands up and begins pacing, muttering to himself. Nancy doesn’t dare say anything, afraid to break him out of whatever zone he’s in. Knowing how she gets on cases, how she shuts everything and everyone out to focus so that she can make connections, she can’t help but feel like she’s looking in a mirror, watching her father. Carson had always tried to find the balance between letting her do her own thing and making sure she didn’t overextend herself, unsuccessfully more often than not.

Looking at Ryan now, Nancy can see that if she had grown up with him, he’d be in the thick of it with her, enabling her. It’s a somewhat terrifying thought. Lucy would probably scold them both for being so reckless. And then hug them, because she was secretly proud of them. It’s so real in her mind, Nancy can feel melancholy tears forming. She quickly and discreetly wipes them away.

Ryan stops pacing, his eyes going wide with some sudden realization. Nancy feels goosebumps prickle on her arms.

“Intimacy…” he breathes, turning to look at her.

She stares at him. “Wh—what?”

“Intimacy.” He repeats, sounding excited. “That’s the connection between our experiences with Lucy. Think about it! I’m her old flame and you’re our daughter.”

It makes a certain amount of sense, she realizes.

“We were both pining.” Nancy says, catching on. “Me because I want to help her, a daughter who can’t stand seeing her mother wander around lost forever, and you…”

“Me, who wants nothing more than to have her back, for her to be the person I remember her as.” He finishes with a meaningful look. “We were upset, and for a moment, we got flashes of the old Lucy. The Lucy this town never got to know.”

His voice grows sadder as he talks, and Nancy feels a pang in her chest. Her father had lost the love of his life, the one person in the world who had seen something in him that no one else had. Nancy had lost a mother, her first mother, and Lucy had lost them both. And with a jolt, she realizes that no matter what she found out while solving the mystery of Lucy’s death, she’s still no better than the rest of the town because she doesn’t know the real Lucy at all.

It hurts.

“Tell me about her.” Nancy says suddenly, voice quiet.

Ryan looks at her with confusion. “What?”

“Tell me about her. She’s my mother and I know nothing about her, not really.”

“Didn’t you read her diary?” Ryan asks. “You know stuff about her that I didn’t even know.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what her favorite color was, or why she liked the outdoors so much. I don’t know why strawberry was her favorite flavor of ice cream or what her favorite book was. The Lucy I know is the depressed seventeen-year-old town pariah that was bullied and slut-shamed and was driven to suicide. And she never wanted me to know that side of her.”

Her voice is shaking by the time she finishes speaking, with a few stray tears rolling down her cheeks. Ryan pulls her closer to him, his own tears falling.

“Okay.” He whispers, rubbing his hand up and down her back until she calms down enough to pull away. “Okay, I’ll tell you about my Lucy.”

And he does. He tells her about their first date, about the time they got into an impromptu food fight at the ice cream shop and were kicked out, about the time they pranked Lucy’s brother Josh, and so much more. It’s not long before she’s smiling, Ryan following suit as he sinks into happier memories. By the time he blanks on stories they’re both lying back on the couch, with Ryan’s arm slung behind Nancy.

“Thanks.” She whispers as she turns her head to look at him. “I feel like I know her a little better now.”

“You’re welcome. I’m glad I can share my memories with you.”

“One day, when there’s no chance of your parents coming after me, we should go public with this. Get mom a memorial garden or something so that the town can celebrate her for who she really was.”

Ryan chuckles softly. “I’ll buy land for it myself if I have to.”

Nancy slowly sits up, stretching. 

“We sure did a lot of talking, didn’t we? I feel like I learned everything and nothing.” She comments.

“What do you mean?”

Nancy shrugs. “I know more about Lucy now, but as to why she touched me, all I learned is that maybe she misses intimacy. Which still doesn’t explain why she doesn’t look like she used to, why burying the bones didn’t work.”

Ryan frowns as something occurs to him. He bites his lip in consternation at the implications of his theory.

Nancy shivers at the look on his face, like the sun has suddenly gone behind the clouds.

“What is it?” She asks with trepidation.

Ryan takes a deep breath, like he’s bracing himself. “What if it did work?”

Nancy tilts her head in confusion. “Then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“No, think about it. Lucy touches me, it only feels nice for a moment until she burns me, like the vengeful side of her took control back from the benevolent side. Then she touches you after you bury her bones in a place she loves, and there’s no pain at all. _It worked_ , Nancy. Something’s just stopping it from working fully.”

He sounds frenzied, awed and slightly anxious. Nancy stills, heart rate picking up. “If you’re right, then what do you think could be stopping it?”

Ryan exhales, almost trembling. “Something else really bad must have happened to her.”

Nancy blows out a breath, briefly closing her eyes. “If it did, it wasn’t in her diary.”

“Or maybe you missed it.”

She runs her hands through her hair, feeling overwhelmed. “Okay, let’s say you’re right. Something equally bad, if not worse, happened to mom, and it’s stopping her from moving on. And it may or may not be in her diary; if it is, it was bad enough that she felt the need to be super vague about it.”

She starts pacing, the implications of that beginning to become clear to her. If another terrible thing had happened to her mother, then her story was incomplete. Which meant Nancy’s story could still be incomplete. And Lucy was in even more pain than she thought...

“Oh God…” she mumbles, feeling lightheaded. She sways slightly, not even aware that Ryan is guiding her back to the couch and pressing a glass of water into her hands.

“Nancy…are you okay?” He asks with concern. “Do I need to call someone?”

Nancy shakes her head, drinking some water and feeling the dizzy spell pass.

“’m good…” she says, looking him in the eye to not only prove she’s lucid, but to make sure that he’s listening. “But we need to figure out what the hell else happened nineteen years ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...*grins innocently* What did you think? :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get some more Ryan and Nancy bonding, plus some Carson and Ryan, and even some Ace and Nancy.

Ryan isn’t saying anything, just looking at her with concern after what he just witnessed. She knows it’s due to her almost passing out. He doesn’t know that she has anxiety and is prone to panic attacks, and part of her doesn’t want him to know. It was hard enough opening up to Carson, and that was before the bombshell of her parentage. On the other hand, her strained relationship with Carson was a good example of why telling Ryan was a good idea—someone would be there to help her if Carson wasn’t.

She sighs, rubbing her temples. When did keeping secrets from Ryan get harder?

“Nancy…does this happen a lot?”

Ryan’s voice brings her back to reality, reminding her that what just happened probably freaked him out. She groans, pushing away the hand that had come up to rest on her shoulder. He looks stung but doesn’t comment on it, just scoots backwards slightly.

“Only when I get really overwhelmed and stressed.” Nancy grumbles, not looking at him. “I have anxiety, and sometimes I get panic attacks.”

Ryan looks shocked for a moment. He sits on the floor, waiting for her to continue, recognizing that pushing her for answers isn’t a good idea right now.

It takes her a minute to work herself up to explaining. “Do you remember the Rose Turnbull case?”

“That case from around six years ago, right?”

She nods. “Yeah. That’s where it all started.”

Ryan looks like he wants to say something but refrains. She’s grateful for that, feeling her old instincts telling her to flee the situation, to go somewhere she can be alone.

“The most important part of that case…I have no memory of it. I—I blocked it out.” She plays with her purse strap again, reminding herself that Ryan is safe, he is trustworthy now. “Nathan Gomber…he aligned himself with this—this supernatural being, a demon or something…it lured kids in and—and killed them…and I was one of the kids it affected.”

Ryan’s sharp intake of breath causes her to look up, finally, and she watches as his arms twitch with the need to reach out and comfort her.

“It was so traumatic; the only way I could deal with it was to forget it. That’s when I started putting all my walls up. Carson said I became a totally different person. And it only got worse after Kate got sick and died. I was diagnosed with anxiety, and when things became too much, I’d have panic attacks.”

She starts drawing nonsensical designs with her finger across her purse to keep her from looking at his face again. She doesn’t want to see his pity, or worse, see that he doesn’t want her around. The silence feels more deafening than her voice. A few stray tears make their way down her cheeks, but she makes no move to wipe them away.

Ryan’s arms are wrapped around his knees, fingers tapping against them to keep him from touching Nancy and potentially setting her off. Nancy counts the number of taps until he speaks again.

“So, uh, what should I do if you have a panic attack?” He asks, voice low to keep from startling her.

Surprised, she looks up. She’d been expecting a well-meaning but still annoying “I’m sorry” or some other meaningless platitude. Her finger stills as she looks at him.

“Um, just try to ground me. Distract me, keep me out of my head. Call Carson depending on how bad it is.” She says, cocking her head at him.

Nancy watches as he scrambles up with a murmured “Be right back” and returns with a notepad, writing down what she just told him. It seems silly to her, maybe a little extreme, but it still means a lot to her that he’s taking it seriously. He’s not belittling it or putting her down.

Maybe one day she’ll be able to tell him thank you.

Ryan pats his pants and pulls out his wallet, sticking the paper inside. “Are you good to drive home?”

She rolls her eyes. “Even if I wasn’t, I’d have to. Can’t have someone be seen picking me up, and I can’t leave my car here.”

He gives her a look and she sighs. “Sorry for snapping…if it makes you feel better, I’ll text you when I get home.”

“Okay.”

She gives him a stiff smile and leaves. Ryan watches her go, feeling like they just took a couple of steps backwards. He had tried his best to not be pushy, to let her decide how open to be with him, but he knew she was closing off again. He falls onto the couch, groaning into a pillow.

Maybe Carson could help.

Sitting up, he pulls out his phone, his thumb hovering over Carson’s contact. Would Nancy consider this going behind her back? He wasn’t sure how he could bring up his concerns about Nancy retreating behind her walls without bringing up her mini panic attack. He deliberates a moment longer before finally typing out a message.

It was better to ask for forgiveness than for permission, right?

_I need your help._

He gets a reply immediately.

_You don’t need a lawyer, do you?_

Ryan snorts.

_That depends. Can Nancy sue me for talking about personal things with you?_

_Ryan…what happened?_

Here goes nothing, he thinks.

_She had a mini panic attack. I helped as best I could but she’s closing off. I don’t know what to do._

There’s no reply for a moment, and Ryan briefly wonders if the man is trying to get in touch with Nancy. Then his phone rings.

“Seriously? You had to call?”

 _“Is Nancy okay?”_ comes Carson’s worried voice. Ryan supposes he should have expected this.

“She claimed she is. She’s on her way home, I made sure she was okay to drive first. Why did you never tell me she has panic attacks sometimes?”

He can’t keep the accusatory tone out of his voice. Carson sighs on the other end.

_“She hasn’t had one for a while. I figured they were so infrequent now that I could wait. Obviously I was wrong.”_

Ryan pinches the bridge of his nose. “Well, like I said, after she had the attack she started closing off. She told me a little bit about when and how they started, but she was withholding, I could tell. You don’t happen to have a parenting book about this, do you?”

Carson chuckles wryly. _“I’m afraid books are less helpful when it comes to stuff like this. It’s going to be trial and error, Ryan. You two just started connecting, and let’s face it, it happened rather fast, probably because of her near death experience. Her brain has probably processed what happened with the Aglaeca, and now she’s realizing just how vulnerable she’s been with you in such a short period of time. She’s scared. Be patient with her. She’ll come around eventually.”_

Ryan exhales deeply. He was afraid of that. Being patient was never his strong suit.

“So what, I just sneak around town and keep my eye on her in the meantime? If she has another panic attack, how do I help her if she doesn’t let me?” He protests.

_“Welcome to fatherhood, it’s not easy. And if you start sneaking around now, it’ll make things worse. Just give her a chance to come to you. I think she’ll surprise you.”_

Ryan finds himself nodding, even though Carson can’t see him. He feels a little better now that he’s talked to Nancy’s other father, but there’s still an uneasy pit in his stomach.

“Well, uh, thanks for…uh, you know.” He inwardly cringes at his recent inability to use full sentences. “Nancy’s supposed to text me when she gets home, so I should probably go now.”

_“Will you let me know when she does? And Ryan, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t bring up what happened for a few days. Like I said, give her time to reach out.”_

With an agreement to tell him when Nancy texted, Ryan hangs up, dropping his phone on the couch with a deep sigh. If it was this stressful having an adult daughter, he shudders to think how out of his depth he’d be with Nancy as a kid. He thinks about what Carson said, how Nancy was scared, and feels an onslaught of guilt. In his eagerness to prove he could be a good father, he hadn’t thought about how doing so might put Nancy on edge.

Ryan pulls a pillow over his face, groaning loudly. Loud enough that he almost doesn’t hear his phone chime.

_I’m home, no car accidents. You can stop holding your breath now._

He dives for his phone, reading the message eagerly, rolling his eyes but still smiling faintly at the typical Nancy response. He holds the phone close to his chest, like it’s a newborn baby. In the privacy of his own home, Ryan can at least pretend it’s Nancy he’s hugging.

* * *

Nancy plops into the front seat of her car, resting her forehead against the steering wheel with a screwed up expression. She wasn’t technically lying when she said the lightheadedness had passed, but her heart is still pounding in her chest, probably because she had just _had a panic attack in front of Ryan Hudson_.

Okay, it was the _beginnings_ of one, but semantics. Sure, they were getting closer, but she isn’t sure she wants to be _that_ close with him, biological father or not. And it was all happening so fast…

Shaking her head so that she doesn’t spiral into another attack, Nancy starts the car and heads for the Drew house, taking a longer back route in case anyone is watching. Watching for pursuers is a good distraction from her inner turmoil, but once she’s home, it’s all she can think about. She remembers to text Ryan before he calls her due to an excess of worry that was shaping up to rival Carson’s. He sends back a thumbs up instead of a long-winded diatribe of “I’m glad you’re safe”, which causes her to blink, nonplussed, at her screen.

_Since when did he use emojis?_

Shaking her head, she heads inside, hoping to focus her energy on the new Lucy problem instead of the fact that she just ran out on Ryan. Unfortunately, her brain seems to want to focus on the latter. Nancy finds herself thinking of his hurt expression when she’d pushed his arm away, how he’d obviously wanted to help her. She knew it came from good intentions, but she wasn’t ready for Ryan to see all of her yet. She wasn’t even entirely sure what all of her even was anymore.

No.

She can’t think about this right now. Right now she needs a distraction. She pulls out her phone to text the one person who was extraordinarily good at making her feel at peace.

_Work busy today?_

His reply comes a second later.

_Slow enough that I miss my partner._

_What, George and Nick aren’t picking up the slack?_

_They aren’t you._

Nancy tries to ignore the way her heart flutters when Ace says that. So he had definitely picked up on the fact that she volunteered to help in the back just to spend time with him. For the first time, she starts to rue the fact that George didn’t need her to come in.

_Want some company?_

He responds with a thumbs up, which causes her to roll her eyes. Thumbs up must be the response of the day. Her phone buzzes again, and she hits the second message.

_My break is in half an hour._

Nancy smiles to herself and puts her phone away. Perfect. Lucy and Ryan could wait; right now, she just wants a friend.

* * *

Ace is sitting at the same table where she and Ryan sat when they were figuring out the music clue. His signature backwards cap is perched precariously on his head, and she wonders how it doesn’t just blow away in the breeze. Living by the ocean, sea breezes were no joke.

“Hey,” she says as she approaches him. “What’s up?”

He nods at her, shrugging. “Not our customer numbers.”

Nancy hums in amusement, sitting down across from him. “Bet George is thrilled.”

“She’s not any touchier than she usually is, so we’re not in dire straits yet.”

“Or we’re on the Titanic and just sinking really slowly.”

“Got a lifeboat?” Ace asks.

Nancy peers at him, trying to figure out if there was supposed to be a double meaning there. “I might.”

He scoots closer to the table, taking in her appearance. She has a feeling airport security was less thorough than his casual once-over.

“You are not alright.” He comments, still sounding as laidback as ever. “You look…haunted.”

Nancy scoffs, wondering how he saw through her so quickly. “Well, the spirit of my mother likes to pop up occasionally and keep tabs on me, so yeah, I am.”

Ace shakes his head, pointing at her. “Not what I meant. You came to work on your off day.”

“It was slow. I thought you might want some company.”

“I know you, Nance. What happened?”

She sighs, looking away. “I had a small panic attack in front of Ryan.”

Ace raises his eyebrows. “Damn. Let me guess, it freaked him out, which in turn freaked _you_ out.”

“Not quite. He was actually pretty cool about it.”

“Never thought I’d hear you refer to him as the cool one.”

Nancy chuckles, lightly slapping his wrist. “I meant that he helped me through it, and then I…ran out on him.”

Ace makes a noise of acknowledgement. “Ah. So you realized just how vulnerable you were getting with him and freaked.”

She nods, watching him expectantly. “I know I can’t control _when_ panic attacks happen, but when this one did…I don’t know, I just…”

“Give it time.” Ace says gently, reaching out for her hand and squeezing it. “Let yourself process it.”

Nancy smiles at him, feeling lighter. “Thanks, Ace.”

“No problem.”

“You know; I still haven’t found all the words.” She says pointedly, hoping he’ll catch her drift.

He does.

“I’ll be here when you do.” He tells her, and she bites her lip, looking away as a flush creeps up her neck, burning her ears.

 _I know_ , she thinks, flexing her fingers at the memory of his hand in hers.

* * *

It isn’t until the middle of the next week that Nancy feels brave enough to go back and see Ryan. Taking the time to sort through her feelings had helped; she had even gone so far as to bring it up to Carson. Something about his demeanor gave her the sneaking suspicion that Ryan had talked to him, but if Carson wasn’t going to bring it up, then neither would she.

She goes to see Ryan after her shift, a spontaneous decision. She hopes the darkness covers for her and that no one recognizes her car parked in the street. She entertains the idea of breaking in once again before dismissing it; she doesn’t want to give him a heart attack.

No more than she probably already has, anyway. Besides, if someone _does_ recognize her car, it won’t matter.

Nancy knocks, waiting restlessly for Ryan to open the door. When he does, she smiles guiltily at him. “Hi…”

Ryan gawks for a moment before ushering her inside.

“Are you, uh…” He tries to ask.

“I’m sorry.” She blurts out. “I got scared, and I ran.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ryan asks tentatively.

Instead of answering, she walks over to the couch and sits down, placing her hand on the cushion next to her. He comes over immediately.

“It’s no secret that I’ve been through a lot. Supernatural or otherwise. Almost dying made me realize that I can’t put off things that make me uncomfortable forever.”

She pauses, inching closer to Ryan. He puts his arm around her as she leans onto his shoulder.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was interested in having a relationship with you. But it was still a heat of the moment idea. Even after defeating the Aglaeca, it took me a while to accept that we weren’t about to die. I kept half expecting her to pop up and prove that reading the letters didn’t work. But she didn’t, and I realized that I had time again.”

Nancy inhales deeply before continuing. “Once I realized that, it occurred to me just how vulnerable I’ve been, how close we’ve gotten, and I…it scared me, because I don’t normally do that. We found out another bad thing may have happened to Lucy, on top of everything else, and then the panic attack…it was too much.”

Ryan rubs her arm sympathetically. She sniffs, unconsciously stiffening slightly before relaxing again.

“I’m not going to pretend to understand everything you’ve been through,” Ryan says quietly. “But you don’t have to carry it alone.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I’m scared too.”

Nancy sits up, mouth falling partway open. Ryan snorts without humor.

“Yes, I just admitted that. I’m scared that you’ll realize that I have no idea what I’m doing, that good intentions won’t matter. It’s all so new, and yet—”

“You’re scared of losing me.” Nancy finishes.

Ryan smiles wanly. “Yeah. Guess we can be scared together.”

Not for the first time, she marvels at the man, wondering how he could be the same Ryan Hudson she once suspected of murder. He was a mystery in his own right. She gives him a watery half smile in return.

“You know; I think you’re doing pretty well so far.” Nancy says softly. “Dad.”

Ryan coughs, self-conscious, and scratches behind his ear. “I, uh, thanks. That—that means a lot.”

“I love you.” Nancy confesses. “Some days are going to be hard, but I want you to know that.”

“I love you too, Nance. No matter how scared we get.”

She hums thoughtfully, leaning back into his embrace. “Remember that the next time I get myself into trouble.”

“Don’t ruin the moment.”

Nancy chuckles. As joking with Ryan gets easier, apparently so does leaning on him for support. The old Nancy would have never come back after the panic attack. She knows she’ll be fighting with her instincts for a while, but knowing that Ryan is doing the same, that they both want this to work? It gives her something to hold onto.

Maybe Nick was onto something with his speech about authentic interaction. She and Ryan were learning together. And she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t already making a difference.


End file.
